Couples Therapy
Things weren’t always this bad…
When a couple first gets together, things are easier. But as the dependency on the other increases, things can start to get conflictual.
You both have your side of the story, and you want to make the other person see it your way.
Every person has his or her own truth.
People view the world differently. No matter how much you try to convince your partner that your view is correct, they may still not agree.
How can I let other people think for themselves?
Giving other people the ability to think for themselves is a very mature position to take. It means that you will begin to manage yourself differently, which will allow others to manage themselves differently as well.
Sometimes learning to accept differences in the way people, especially your partner, view things requires guidance from an objective source. This is where couples therapy can help.
How I work with a couple…
When I begin seeing a couple at my North County San Diego, CA, office, I often see them together for one or two sessions to obtain an understanding of the issues they face. Of course, this depends on whether they are having difficulty being in the same room together.
When I am seeing the couple together, I prefer that they do not look at each other and that they speak about their partner in the third-person. This can be helpful in turning down the intensity, and it prevents them from seeking support or approval from each other.
Then, I also like to meet with each of the partners individually. Even though they are wanting to work on their relationship, doing individual work with each partner is very important.
I tell people that working on yourself (e.g. level of maturity) as part of the process is required. Each partner works on themselves to become a stronger self, so they can come together and be a stronger couple.
What if my partner isn’t willing to come to therapy?
That is fine. I can begin couples therapy with the most motivated person in the system. If the other person in the couple changes their mind, they can start coming at that point.
And it really takes only one person in a system to bring about a change in the whole system. If you change your part, there will be a reciprocal change in the other person.
Shouldn’t we see a different therapist for individual work?
Absolutely not! I am a systems thinker and prefer to see everyone in the system. If you have a therapist that you see for individual work, that can become problematic, depending on how they are working with you.
Don’t wait – let’s start resolving your issues now!
Feel free to contact my North County San Diego, CA, office today. I offer a 15-minute free phone consultation.
If what we have discussed resonates with you, we can set up a time to meet to begin our work together.