Marriage Counseling for Problematic Relationships

Almost all marriages have some degree of marital conflict.

Conflict can be a healthy way for people to express their differences.

But when that conflict turns into an everyday occurrence or occurs many times a day, it often gets too uncomfortable for a person to stand, and relationship counseling is a strongly recommended next step.

Conflict is seen as a means of dealing with anxiety. The top three issues about which people fight are sex, money, and kids. No surprises there.

Marital distance creeps into a marriage.

Just like conflict, distance is used to manage the anxiety in a system.

While there are a few marriages that have little or no conflict, you will not find a relationship without some degree of distance.

You can distance yourself from someone while in the same room. Cell phones have become one of the major ways that people distance themselves from their partner or family!

Sometimes the dynamic of marital distance can get so intense that partners are barely speaking to each other. This can also progress into almost complete cutoff, which is very damaging to a family system and contributes to the overall level of anxiety in a system.

Triangles help a relationship stabilize.

The triangle is a three-person relationship system and is the smallest stable relationship system.

A two-person system is inherently unstable; and when tension rises between the two, they will automatically triangle in a third person.

Having children is often described as adding stability to a marriage.

Although affairs are incredibly damaging to a marriage, they can be looked at as one person’s attempt to stabilize an unstable relationship.

Over- or under-functioning partner…

Many people are familiar with this dynamic that involves one spouse doing more and more and the other less and less.

While it may have started out being okay, it eventually can become so intense that the under-functioning one is no longer able to function alone. This dynamic is uncomfortable for both people.

Many clients who come to me for marriage counseling say that the under-functioning partner just needs to start doing more. But this is a reciprocal process, and both need to start doing their part differently.

Don’t wait until it is too late.

Without objective help through marriage counseling, the above relationship problems can result in unwelcome consequences. Unfortunately, people tend to seek help when they are already at a breaking point.

My clients often say, “You are our last attempt to save our marriage. If you can’t help us, we are filling for divorce.”

Please, don’t wait until you get to that point!

While I do what I can to help people start thinking differently, I don’t have a magic wand. And if I did, I’d use it on myself first!

Together, let’s address the problem.

Email me or call my office in North County San Diego, CA, today so that you can get on a different road than the one you’ve been traveling.